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I meant BAGGAGE LOL You can explain BABBAGE as well if you like

i guess it depends on the opinion of the person , but in my mind "baggage" in this context is whether you have moved on past your last relationship. sometimes kids are considered baggage by daters both male and female, coz they are a permanent connection to an ex.

I never concider children Baggage to me the term means carried hatred ,suspicion, mistrust , deep seated issues from your past . I believe it is a broad & somewhat unrealistic request once we hit 30+ had a few failed relationships we all have baggage Its how we deal ,
comment should read
all baggage left at the front door before entering my life
or
all baggage safely stowed in the overhead compartment before takeoff.
Kizzy

Yes I suppose, but in your preferences you can state no children preferred. So why put in no baggage.

Yes I agree with you kizzy children never baggage. They are innocent little beings having to deal with the adults BAGGAGE sometimes.

Couldn't have said it more perfectly myself!! And yes children definitely aren't baggage - they should be considered a bonus (instant family without the pain!!) and especially so if they are loving and respectful to you, your partner and your family!! I've always considered baggage to be the full Tosca luggage set and if you've seen the Tosca luggage range there's no way you wanna be carting all that crap around either on holidays or within a relationship!!

don't understand that? as most have stated, children are and always will be a part of that person which makes them who they are today, And as long as the EX is'nt constantly brought into the pic then wats the problem???An when i say this i mean talking about him/her all the time, The Ex will always be a part of the new picture especially when they have children together, Children are not baggage, they are a bonus

I think what psuedo means is that someone who is a bit insecure or the jealous type may see the contact with the ex (for the childrens benefit) as a threat to the relationship - I know people who have been cheated on previously where their partner has cheated with the ex after a visit with the kids so I can understand how people might feel insecure.. But that is where trusting your partner and the strength of your relationship should come into play..

On the other hand some exes use children as pawns and are vindictive spiteful little so and so's who blackmail, threaten, guilt trip and use and abuse the kids wherever they can to torment the ex (and their new partner) just for what appears to be the fun of it or their own sick, twisted purposes and games.. I suppose that may be where people would consider kids baggage as they might be a permanent connection to an interfering spiteful ex - still wrong I know but it's not really something you want to be dealing with hence the 'no baggage' request I guess.. JMO..

Hi mellie yes i know wat you mean, but i never look at things like that and like to think the best of them where possible.....2 of my ex boyfriends and i are friends, AND THAT IS IT JUST FRIENDS! and yet their ex's cant handle that,
.
as for ex's using children as porns, have come across that as well, and these women need to get a life, as when something is OVER IT'S OVER! and all they are doing is hurting the children and thats a sick way of dealing with their own demons. And let's be honest here, the majority of the time it is the women who are guilty of this?

i personally don't mind kids
they taste quite nice either baked or bbq'd

nah seriously i'm a big kid myself so i have no trouble with kids , but some people do

viva la difference

Someone who wants no baggage, probably has no baggage and is completely boring, safe and uninteresting. Wouldnt touch someone like that with a ten foot barge pole.

remember i'm a sole parent and have had sole custody for 0ver 10 years, whether you ladies accept it or not, there are women (and men) that struggle with jealousy. example, one lady i was dating covered up her jealousy well for about 8 weeks. then the whole frienship/relationship dissolved, when she asked me to have my ex take back custody, and when i asked if she was going to do the same with her kids , she went berserk. was ok for her to have kids, but mine reminded her of the fact i'd had prior relationships

hey Atom Oh so true wiser words have never bin spoken

Now I liked that answer, it gels with me and next time I see that quote, I wont cringe and think hell I had better be careful what I write, I just wont write.

Hey Phae I never look at it like that either - everyone starts with a clean slate with me till they fark me over then it's ciao ciao!! With the exes I've got a policy not to be friends after as it obviously didn't work out for a reason and for me it's just easier not to drag the break up on any longer than it needs to... Although who knows what life has instore for us.. All the power to you though!! I don't know how I'd feel if I was with someone who was still friends with the ex.. I guess a number of factors would come into play with that ie do they have children together, are they genuine or just interfering, whether the ex is currently involved with someone or not, how often they saw/spoke to each other, who initiated the break up and whether there is still any attraction there.. And importantly are they making an effort to be friends with me or getting to know me as well.. Trust doesn't really come into play for me as if I didn't trust my partner I wouldn't be with him..

As for the exes using children yeah well I didn't really want to walk down the path of blaming mostly the woman but I do agree the majority of the time it is women who are guilty of this.. I think it's wrong and totally unacceptable for either party to use their children as pawns or to guilt trip the ex in that way or any other.. It is wrong on soooo many levels and is a form of child abuse!!

Hey Mellie, ahhhh you have a way with words love

I want my pain!
I need my pain!
It's what makes me who I am.
I am the sum of my past experiences.
But I don't let it dominate my life

I think mostly baggage is a term referring to unresolved issues within one's past not one's past Per-Se. We all have unresolved issues with our past but it is how we let those effect our present that is the issue.

Kids are kids, If someone has issues with that then they need to deal with their baggage first!

That's my 0.36 Russian Rouble worth.

I agree that any use of children for a person's own self interest is child abuse. What they can't see is that kids aren't as stupid as they may like to think.
When it comes to that sort of game the only way to win is to not play the game. If you get into that sort of thing it will come back to bite you in the end.
My girl's communicate with their mother under sufferance and out of a sense of duty, but they won't go to their Nana's (ex mother in law's) "'cause all they do is sit around and bitch about Dad".To the point where my youngest refused to attend her mother's wedding, though I was able to convince her to at least attend the reception.
As a result her side of the family (except her father as he and I get on well) all blame me for turning the kids against their mother.
I know that in the Family Court of Australia poisoning a child's attitude towards an estranged partner has been classified as child abuse, not sure if this is the case in the Family Court of Western Australia but wouldn't be surprised if it were as I think it should be.

I know 1 lady on another site that lives in mackay and she won't have anything to do with men if they have kids.She doesn't have any herself
even though she is 42.She says that she doesn't dislike children.
As far as she is concerned men often use kids against her.I have told
her that I have a daughter so she said no thanks bye.