laugh of the day

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Ecoprincess Sligo/New Zeland/ Australia, Sligo Ireland
[top] Sat Aug 16, 2008 4:46 PM CST : laugh of the day
add any little thing that made you laugh today, real, imaginary or a joke


The Genie

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter

As well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.'

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish. Just ! One wish

- each person is only allowed one!'

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks!' A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.

Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks

And they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'

'Tell me about it!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?


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cowgirldancer The Patch, Victoria Australia
[top] Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:05 AM CST : laugh of the day
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing thumbs up sad flower
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kizzy27 Nowra, New South Wales Australia
[top] Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:20 AM CST : laugh of the day
Be warned...
SHOPPING SCAM AT COLES.


While packing groceries into the car , you may be approached by two fit athletic,25 yr old men In skintight Jeans .They wash your windscreen with bare chests,muscles rippling in the sunshine.They ask for a lift to the next shopping centre as payment.
On the way theystrip & go down on you taking turns over & over.Then 1 removes your top& sucks your nipples!!! The other guy then nicks your wallet!
I had mine stolen last tuesday & wednesday, twice on thursay & again on Saturday!!!!
Be careful Ok
Kizzygrin
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CuspofMagic Stelle,spacia, Western Fjords Iceland
[top] Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:53 AM CST : laugh of the day
ps Coles has a special on wallets 2.99
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kizzy27 Nowra, New South Wales Australia
[top] Fri Aug 22, 2008 1:34 AM CST : laugh of the day
Thats the only reason why I keep going back......Yeah right !!!lol
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kizzy27 Nowra, New South Wales Australia
[top] Sat Aug 23, 2008 7:50 AM CST : laugh of the day
If a farmer plants a field of vibrators ..
whats the only thing he has to worry about?..........








Squatters
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Ecoprincess Sligo/New Zeland/ Australia, Sligo Ireland
[top] Sat Aug 23, 2008 3:49 PM CST : laugh of the day
kizzy27: Be warned...
SHOPPING SCAM AT COLES.While packing groceries into the car , you may be approached by two fit athletic,25 yr old men In skintight Jeans .They wash your windscreen with bare chests,muscles rippling in the sunshine.They ask for a lift to the next shopping centre as payment.
On the way theystrip & go down on you taking turns over & over.Then 1 removes your top& sucks your nipples!!! The other guy then nicks your wallet!
I had mine stolen last tuesday & wednesday, twice on thursay & again on Saturday!!!!
Be careful Ok
Kizzy

can someone send them up to me rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Ecoprincess Sligo/New Zeland/ Australia, Sligo Ireland
[top] Sat Aug 23, 2008 3:50 PM CST : laugh of the day
kizzy27: If a farmer plants a field of vibrators ..
whats the only thing he has to worry about?..........Squatters
rolling on the floor laughing D'oh! my head hurts
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kizzy27 Nowra, New South Wales Australia
[top] Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:20 PM CST : laugh of the day
I was thinkin Eco might be a plan for da crop rotation next spring ....Just a thought
Kizzywink
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Ecoprincess Sligo/New Zeland/ Australia, Sligo Ireland
[top] Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:49 PM CST : laugh of the day
kizzy27: I was thinkin Eco might be a plan for da crop rotation next spring ....Just a thought
Kizzy


Well it will at least turn a profit, the weather was so sh@t this year here that I lost most of my crops and what I got is not worth bothering with. Even Lizzy my pot plant died mumbling laugh

Wonder if I can get a grant from the Government for vibrators - must apply for the crack .........

D'oh!
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Deejay7 Richmond Hill, Ontario Canada
[top] Sun Sep 21, 2008 11:17 PM CST : laugh of the day



DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish.............................................49
Adventurous.................Slept with everyone
Athletic......................................No tits
Average looking....................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure......................On medication
Feminist..........................................Fat
Free spirit....................................Junkie
Friendship first..........................Former slut
Fun..........................................Annoying
New-Age..............Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned..............................No BJs
Open-minded.................................Desperate
Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
Professional....................................Bitch
Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
Large frame.................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay



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CuspofMagic Stelle,spacia, Western Fjords Iceland
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 12:18 AM CST : laugh of the day
rather amusing the above post laugh
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relaxin somewhere, Queensland Australia
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:56 AM CST : laugh of the day
cusp - your right again rolling on the floor laughing
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IMALLALONE2 Ingham, Queensland Australia
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:10 AM CST : laugh of the day
. What's the hardest part about Roller blading?
Telling your parents your gay!

2. How can you tell if a girl really likes you?
When you stick your hand down her pants and it feels like your feeding a horse!

3. How do you keep your dog from hump'n your leg?
Pick HIm up and suck his d*ck!

4. If you force a hooker to have sex, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

5. What do you call a pickled dear?
A Dill-Doe!

Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".
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IMALLALONE2 Ingham, Queensland Australia
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:19 AM CST : laugh of the day

ALZHEIMER'S EYE TEST
Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

HOW MANY ?

.. 3?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF". Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare

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IMALLALONE2 Ingham, Queensland Australia
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:29 AM CST : laugh of the day
There once was a man from Bel Air,
Who was doing his girl on the stair.
When the banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.

There once was a man from Madrass
Who's balls were constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightening shot out of his ass!


There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin


There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a c#%+ I would f@#* it!"

There was an old man from kent
Who had a big dick that was bent
To save him the trouble he put it in double
And instead of cumming he went


There was an old pro from peru
whe filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin if they pay to get in
They can pay to get out of it too



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kizzy27 Nowra, New South Wales Australia
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 3:07 AM CST : laugh of the day
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing


Your Jokes are great!!!!
I think I love you !!!!
The elephant s finger ended me totally


so once again


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Kizzysmitten
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IMALLALONE2 Ingham, Queensland Australia
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:14 AM CST : laugh of the day
A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbors will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead."
So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, darling?"
"No," she snapped back, "I definitely shut it." Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all..."
"Don't worry," said the man. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14.

A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, the girl has her finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."




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IMALLALONE2 Ingham, Queensland Australia
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:20 AM CST : laugh of the day
Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle." "What," the other asks, "green?". "No," says the first, " a bit sour."

There was an old whore from the Azores,
Who's cunt was so covered with sores,
That the dogs in the street,
Wouldn't eat the green meat,
That hung from festoons in her drawers.

There once was a rector from Kings,
Who's mind was on Heavenly things,
But his heart was on fire,
For this boy in the choir,
Who's ass was like jelly on springs.

There was an old maid from Camelot,
Who survived on frog shit and snot,
When she grew tired of these,
She'd eat the green cheese,
That she scraped from the sides of her twat.

There was a young girl in Berlin
Who eked out a living through sin.
She didn't mind fucking,
But much preferred sucking,
And she'd wipe off the pricks on her chin

There once was a jolly old bloke
Who picked up a girl for a poke.
He took down her pants,
Fucked her into a trance,
And then shit into her shoe for a joke


There was a young fellow name Tucker
Who, instructing a novice cock-sucker,
Said, 'Don't bow out your lips
Like an elephant's hips,
The boys like it best when they pucker

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IMALLALONE2 Ingham, Queensland Australia
[top] Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:25 AM CST : laugh of the day

Two Kiwis, Ian and Craig are walking down a street in Bondi. Ian happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said 'Suits $10.00 each, Shirts $4.00 each, Trousers $5.00 per pair'

Ian says to his pal, ' Craig, look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and whin we get beck to InZid, we could make a fortune.
Now whin we go unto the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just lit me do all the talking cause uf they hear our accint, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my bist Aussie accint.'
'No worries, smiled Craig, I'll keep my mouth shut.'
They go in and Ian says, 'I'll take fufty suits et $10.00 each, 100 shirts et $4.00 each, and fufty pairs of trousers et $5.00 each. I'll beck up my truck and...'

The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from New Zealand , aren't you?'

'Well... yis,' says a surprised Ian. 'How the hill dud you know thet?'

The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners'
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